I Love Asian Surf Rock!

Every once in a while the Google folks decide to fart around with the design and mechanics of my blog. It annoys the hell outa me! Why are computer nerds never able to leave anything alone? have they never heard the cliche' "If it's not broke, DON'T FIX IT!!" I guess not. I'm sure these geeks are well intentioned, but shit man they are OCD about constantly picking at stuff. I bet none of them has had a scab for more than hour or two before they started picking at it. Yech! I apologize for that analogy.

Here's the deal; imagine you go out to start your car one morning and you don't even recognize it! That's what these infernal tinkerers are like, like someone completely redesigns your car without consulting you! One day it has a steering wheel the next it is controlled by a joy stick because some arrogant little nerd decided it would make your life easier! Which of course it doesn't (those dumb asses!) because now I have to learn how to drive all over again. Thanks a bunch Erkle!

Actually I like nerds, love nerd rock! My taste is quite bizarre. I heard this band that is totally nerded out and totally awesome. They're called the Surf Coasters and they are absolutely the best Japanese surf rock band you will ever hear. They are partially to blame for my recent bike accident. I mean with the MP3 injecting Asian surf rock into your brain how can you ride with caution? Okay any reasonable person could but face it that sort of stuff is impossible for people like me.

Fortunately I don't know anyone else like me. Now don't get me wrong. I like me a lot! I am one of my favorite people actually. Still a little of me goes a really long way. The problem with being an individual is that you may be an outsider. On the other hand how many cliques do you want to fit with? Have you ever hung around people that seemed to have the same conversations over and over and over? They are out there.

I guess they like the familiarity of the same subjects, the same jokes, the same thing all the time. Maybe they're right. Knowing exactly what your friends think and what they're going to say might be reassuring. The last thing they want is some nerd redesigning the conversation especially in a world where every time you go to a website you never know what you'll find. And as soon as you get used to it and know how to smoothly navigate it some jerk wad nerd changes the whole damn thing!


Russell

Field Guide To The American Peasant

My younger sister used to take ballet lessons (she was really serious and pretty good as a matter of fact). Her teacher was from Russia and had at one time been a famous dancer in Europe until an injury ended her career. She moved here with her mother some time after WW II. Her mother was from an aristocratic Russian family that fled that country when the Bolsheviks took over. Pretty interesting but the reason for mentioning all this is to get to this, this ancient Russian aristocrat once complained to my mom that American peasants did not even know they were peasants. She said that the peasants in Europe at least knew they were peasants but American peasants did not know their place in society. We all thought she was sort of charming in her way but nevertheless daft. I don't think that anymore.

That old Russian aristocrat was right. We don't know we are peasants but we are. The rich know it. The politicians know it. The banks, insurance companies and stores like Walmart all know it. Yet the American peasant remains clueless. Our whole system depends on the American peasant never figuring out that he is indeed a peasant. Once the peasant gets out of the bag there will be no getting him back inside. The occupy Wall Street movement is a peasant uprising. You will never hear the media calling it that because they don't want us peasants to know our true status, they know we would find it unacceptable. That is why Mitt Romney says he believes in two classes the rich and the soon to be rich, he thinks that kind of BS will mollify us peasants.

We probably have this kind of condescending treatment coming to us too. I mean we are the ones who refuse to accept the reality of our status. We support our aristocrats because we cling to Horatio Alger fairy tales of peasants becoming landed gentry through pluck hard work and just a smidgen of luck. Meanwhile we get nickled and dimed to death by the corporate aristocracy.

Jeff Foxworthy has that you may be a redneck if... routine. Here's the deal you don't have to be a redneck to be a peasant but if you are a redneck you are a particular type of peasant. America has a variety of peasant types. Maybe we need a field guide to the American peasant since they seem to be largely unrecognized.

If you work in the fast food industry you are a peasant. If you work at a factory you are an endangered species of peasant. If you teach school you probably don't believe you are peasant, this is especially troubling because you are very likely misinforming your students of their own peasantry. If you work in a store you are a peasant. If you anticipate get money back from your tax return you are a peasant. If you shop at discount stores you are a peasant. If you buy fast food more than once a year you are a peasant. If rising gas prices have made you think about your driving habits you are a peasant. Face it you are a peasant. The elite has thought of you this way for years. What are you going to do about it?

Should Our National Dessert Be Apple Or Humble Pie?

So two weeks ago nobody had ever heard of Robert Bales. Now we are all scratching our heads and searchong our hearts trying to figure out what to do with him. The truth of course is that we killed him way before now. We don't know what to do with him because he is our creation. Every single one of us is complicit in his crime. We decided to tolerate endless war carried out by a few unlucky bastards on our behalf. We all know, or absolutely should know, that we are steadily destroying the people we send there to fight over and over and over again. This wasn't the first atrocity either, it's just the first we know was committed by a nice guy that we turned into a psychopathic killer.

We don't want to judge Robert Bales because we know he was just our instrument. Finding him guilty will be hypocritical unless we also find ourselves guilty. Of course if we do not find him guilty we are endorsing the crimes he carried out for us. We are stuck in our collective guilt.

Just like Robert Bales we are mostly good people that allowed ourselves to get sucked into a massive crime. It's time to confess and suffer the consequences. It's time to quit the killing. We like to think we are morally superior to other nations and that is the first step toward genocide. We need some humility.

We aren't the only people with that sense of moral superiority. The Islamic terrorists have it, the Nazis had it, Stalin had it (Putin may too) the Japanese had it prior to WW II, racists have it. Hunility may not be as glamorous as self-righteousness but we cannot afford that kind of glamor anymore.

We need to lose terms like "collateral damage." The Nazis talked about people that way too. We were and are apalled at how they dehumanized groups of people. I tell you what, predator drones controlled remotely and used with impunity with tolerable amounts of collateral damage (innocent victims) would have been one of Hitler's favorite wet-dreams.

The German army in WW II killed civilians, they massacred prisoners of war, were they cold hearted sociopaths? Of course they were. Or were they just German soldiers who wanted to serve their country and were gradually perverted by never ending war? Of course they were.

I feel real bad about Robert Bales. I remember being the lone protester against these stupid wars 10 years ago. I wish that having stood at 61st and Seawall with my "No War" sign would somehow relieve me of any responsibility but it doesn't. Still I'm glad I did it even if it didn't prevent these stupid wars. It's time to man up and admit we are wrong. It's time to quit pretending we are morally superior. It's time to bring home our wounded soldiers. And it's time to recognize that every last one of them is wounded and needs healing.



Russell

Squatch This!!

I kind of like the show "Finding Bigfoot" I also like some of those UFO programs and this new show about "Prepers." Prepers are not preppies they are people preparing for doomsday. These shows interest me because they appeal to my inner-crackpot. I admit it I have crackpot leanings. I don't think I'm that weird either and that's sort of unfortunate. The thing is though I know that looking for Bigfoot or evidence of ancient aliens is a colossal waste of time. It's just a lark, sure I wish Nessie was real but I know he's not. I want to believe in crop circles (I mean believe they are not man made) but I just can't.

Actually I would love to pull off a hoax. I'm too lazy and undisciplined to create a crop circle. I have tried to figure out a good bogus UFO scare but my best idea involves plastic dry cleaning bags and birthday candles. I don't want to be responsible for any fires so that's out too. Living by the coast I should probably work on some sort of sea monster hoax. I think coming up with some sort of mutant mullet caused by the BP oil spill would be totally cool. Imagine a completely harmless bait fish transformed into a venomous harbinger of death! I like it!

Here's how it would work; these fish mutate into flesh nibbling carnivores after eating seaweed contaminated with oil. That would make them merely annoying, so the real problem is the dispersants used in the cleanup caused their bite to be lethal. The dispersants get in you when the death mullet bites you and the dipersants dissolve blood plasma! It's a horrible way to die! Oh shit this rumor might impact tourism! Forget it immediately! We need a monster the will attract tourists not scare them off. I will keep thinking about it. Meanwhile I'll keep watching shows about Sasquatch, UFOs and Area 51.

Hey the best thing I have ever heard I heard on that "Finding Bigfoot" show! What is it? What's the best thing I've ever heard? It's so cool I can hardly believe it! It's gawdamned awesome I swear! Ready? It's, it's "SQUATCHY!" it's an adjective! It means having Sasquatch like qualities. They say shit like "hmm... that smells squatchy!" or "this place looks squatchy!" or even just "this feels squatchy!" This is a word we all have to use as often as we possibly can. Imagine making mad passionate squatchy love! Or complaining to your waiter that your eggs are squatchy! I want to take a day off from work by calling in squatchy! If someone really pisses you off just tell them to go squatch themselves! or to take a flying squatch! I'd go on but I feel like squatching out for a while.




Russell

Beauty Fades But Dumb Is Forever

Is it a social faux pas to let your intelligence show? I think so. Probably the most embarrassing thing you can do is appear to be really smart. You would be better off having toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Actually if you came from the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe it would be so embarrassing that people might accuse you of being some kind of genius! Gad, the humiliation!

There's a comedy on TV about a bunch of geniuses. They are portrayed as social misfits. I kind of like it. It is funny sometimes. I don't think you could make a show making fun of Black People as social misfits, or Asians as social misfits, or women as social misfits. I am absolutely certain you couldn't get away with making fun of the cognitively impaired as social misfits. I don't want to get all politically correct about it or anything. I mean the highly intelligent can handle being made fun of.

What I don't like is the idea that being smart is somehow offensive and you should do all you can to avoid appearing uncomfortably smart. I don't see too many people trying to hide their stupidity, a lot of folks actually seem really proud of it. But people are always trying to avoid sounding too smart. I don't get it.

The truth is of course that interesting people are smart. So are most truly funny people. Good music, good poetry and good stories come from brilliant minds. As a visual artist I would like to think that painting also requires intelligence but I am not sure about it.

The truth is most of my friends seem really smart to me. I guess I like misfits. On the other hand, a friend once invited me to a Mensa party, it sucked! I don't think it sucked because I couldn't follow the conversation, I could. Mostly I remember it seemed like everyone was kind of showing off. Of course a lot of parties are like that, people styling out some way or another.

Maybe its me! But I don't really think so. I think we become self-conscious at around puberty. Then we start trying to stand out while simultaneously fitting in (which is of course impossible). So if you're smart you want everyone to think it's cool that you're smart but not to single you out or embarrass you about it. Is anyone ever embarrassed about looking too good? I don't think so, but have no first hand knowledge about that. It seems like pretty people really get off on being gorgeous. One good thing about being smart is it is generally pretty sustainable.

Former beauties (whether male or female) are kind of pittiful but smart people stay cool in their own special way. I bet being a former beauty dumbass is really depressing.



Russell

Playing In Traffic, Sure Why Not?

I almost hate admitting this but the truth is I am really, really smart. I mean like a few standard deviations away from people that don't read my blog smart. The trouble is if you watched me live my life you would never guess that you were watching a person with any brains at all. You might think you were watching someone who's brain had been switched with the mind of a small dog. I am not saying that I wet the floor like a chihuahua when I'm excited. But otherwise my behavior is probably similar.

I remember working at a place that was always going in for the latest fads espoused by management consultant types. One of these was something called EQ or emotional intelligence. At the time I viewed it as just one more bogus way people with nothing in particular to offer manage to make a phenomenal living off of corporate America especially fat non-profit corporations. Man non-profits are so prone to these consultant led circle jerks! But I digress, the point was there may be some truth to that EQ stuff.

I am not sure I would call it emotional intelligence though, I think it's common sense. I don't have a lick of common sense. I don't feel too bad about it. I once read a biography about Sir Isaac Newton. Now Newton was so damn smart that he invented Calculus! That's F___ing! brilliant! He was also interested in light. Back then they thought light might actually eminate from the eyes. Newton was open minded about it. He did some experiments in this regard. Actually he probed his eyes with a very sharp knife! So I don't feel too bad about my lack of proportion, my dearth of pragmatism, my impulsiveness. At least haven't stuck anything sharp in my eye yet!

I suddenly feel so much better about myself, I bet could have invented counting.


Russell

My Brain Hurts!

I am so ambivalent about stuff it drives me crazy! I bet nobody else is ever like this, or maybe everybody else is like this too, all the time. See what I mean?!! Do you ever buy something because you just really want it so bad and then later you wish you hadn't wasted your money? I have quit buying stuff because of this. Except every once in a while I feel a need to buy some shit and then that's what I think of it. It happens with relationships too. I am totally ambivalent about people unless I think they don't like me. I really like people who can barely tolerate me. But if it turns out they want to hang around I find that smothering. Maybe this is a Twilight Zone episode and Rod Serling will explain it to me. No wonder that guy smoked like chimney. Groucho used to say he "would never join a club that would allow him to be a member" I wonder if he was joking. I'd like to believe ambivalence is characteristic of smart people. You know like some people are just too dumb to make themselves this bewildered. Kurt Vonnegut believed our misery was directly related to what he called our "overly large brains." I get a perverse kind of comfort from that.

The other thing that weirds me out is this; I recently saw the movie "War Horse," and it is of course a tear jerker. I mean it's about a horse for Chrissakes! Well after over two hours of  emotional turmoil and profuse weeping, I left the theatre and it quit affecting me. Why can I go see a movie and go through all kinds of emotional shit but, when it's over it's over! Why isn't life like that? Why does stuff bother us for days or weeks or even years after it's over? Still what would we think of someone who's dog dies and they are sad until it's disposed of (yech!) and then they are like "what dog?" and if you remind them they say "oh yeah I remember him he was a good dog." I wouldn't like someone like that! But how long should stuff bother you? I have no idea, except that it should be longer than after a movie but probably not forever. I just wish stuff I didn't want to bug me would quit bugging as soon as I want it to! Maybe it does... Now there's a disturbing idea... Hmmm


Russell