Lab Reports, "OOPS!"

Okay this was a mistake! The pit shark is not a fit pet for anyone except possibly a suicidal psychopath in which case it is the perfect pet. The guys at the lab were trying to create the worlds most effective guard dog. It seemed like gene splicing a pit bulldog with a bull shark ought to yield an optimum guard dog. The trouble was that guard dogs are meant to stop trespassers but not by eating them. That is exactly what the pit shark did in it's initial trial as a guard dog.

The fellas at the lab thought they had eliminated all copies of the pit shark genome. One young lab assistant apparently thought it would be funny to substitute a pit shark for his grandma's shiatsu. Even her walker was ripped to shreds. Anyway the frightful beast was apparently pregnant and gave birth before she could be apprehended (a process which proved fatal to several Animal Planet Channel celebrities). Luckily the pit shark's reproductive rate is hampered by the fact that fetal pit sharks practice inutero cannibalism. This has kept their numbers somewhat limited but served to heighten their black market panache. Prices for this illegal species pups have soared. This has slowed their spread into the milieu of inbred backwoods redneck dog fighting. Unfortunately it has only increased their cache among upwardly mobile gangster rappers.

These shark canine hybrids are excellent swimmers. Reports that pups flushed down toilets by wary parents, over their delinquent child's objection, wind up thriving in the sewers may in fact be true. Despite rampant internet rumoring, evidence of them leaping up from toilet holes to chomp down on exposed genitalia are anecdotal at best (worst?). Even so investing, both personally and financially, in Depends or another adult diaper might prove worthwhile.

Reports of gigantic pit sharks stalking forests and patrolling lakes and rivers are probably exaggerated. It is true that in theory there is no maximum size for a shark but the pit shark also has canine elements. The prospect of 30 foot long (some witnesses report 60 foot monsters) pit sharks is too horrible to not consider. Such a beast would have the coldblooded nature of a shark combined with the hot blooded appetite of a pit bull all in a giant size! A pit shark of such dimension would likely be impervious to gunfire. It is doubtful that even Danny Glover could kill one.

Should you encounter a pit shark give it wide berth and definitely DO NOT TRY TO PET A PIT SHARK! Unless of course you always wanted the nickname "Lefty."





Russell