GMO vs. GMO

The creation and production of genetically modified organisms [GMO] is a safe industry, but nobody's perfect. Which is how the nutriweenie came about. A really very competent lab technician just happened to have a cold but, she was dedicated and she came to work anyway and.... well she sneezed. When she did a petrie dish of genetic material for dachshunds spilled into a petrie dish of nutria genetic material, which normally wouldn't be a problem but, when combined with whatever she sneezed, well the result was hundreds of nutriweenies.

Nutriweenies do not make good pets! Unfortunately they are just too cute for many people to resist. It's true that nutriweenies have all the feisty charm of a weenie dog combined with the enigmatic draw if a gerbil. The gerbil connection may be a lot deeper than a mere superficial appearance. Like the gerbil the nutriweenie has a penchant burrowing into dark warm places which could explain their mutual appeal to some people with unusual sexual appetites. The nutriweenies amphibious habits probably enhance its sexual utility for these folks. Emergency room personnel are reporting individuals coming to the ER complaining of nutriweenies lodging themselves into their anuses while they were sitting on the toilet. Nutriweenies would likely find sewers to be an excellent habitat. It is unlikely however that one would swim up into a toilet, and less likely one could or would leap from the bowl into your rectum. Still it might be wise to flush before you start your "business."

Children seem to find nutriweenies irresistible. The wiggly little pups are friendly and readily interact with kids. Unfortunately their filthy habitats, their shaggy coats and their sneeze generated origination, make them one of the most septic non-microbial creatures on the planet! If your child brings one home you will need to immediately contact your local board of health and follow their instructions completely. Whatever you do never flush a nutriweenie down the commode. We cannot afford to have them establish themselves in the sewers of America. Some people believe alligators living in the sewers would eat the nutriweenies but these alligators are a myth. The myth did give the fellows at the lab an idea though and it just may work!

The kittycuda is the world's first GMO engineered to counteract the negative impact of another GMO (the nutriweenie). The kittycuda is a nearly perfect predatory match up to the nutriweenie. Both are amphibious so there is no escape by land or water for the nutriweenie. The kittycuda is a doubly stealthy combination of barracuda and ocelot DNA. Kittycudas have needle sharp teeth and a gaping maw and a long catlike tail tipped with a scimitar shaped caudal fin. This may be the ultimate ambush predator. Whether creeping silently through brush, hovering motionless in the water or waiting patiently to pounce from an overhanging branch the kittycuda is silent but deadly!

Some people admire these handsome creatures so much that they have tried to keep them as pets. Kittycudas are predatory and will eat other pets if they can swallow them whole so just figure that your kittycuda is going to be your only pet. They are unable to distinguish between pets and food and tend to establish large hunting territories so your neighbors probably won't like your pet if it swallows their Maltese Terrier. Children should be safe except perhaps premature newborns but they are unlikely to be left unattended. Kittycudas are so stealthy your neighbors are unlikely to catch them eating a pet, so if you just keep quiet they may never figure out what happened. Be as sneaky as your pet and all should be fine.





Russell