Ponderosing My Emotional Stability (Lack There Of!)

Do we ever really grow up?! I mean damn! Here I am essentially hairless, stuff I remember is considered history, and I sometimes "click" when I'm doing yoga, but I still have the emotional responses of a 12 year old! I thought that by now I would be cool, but no! I am so uncool it's totally embarrassing.

I know that I did become slightly more stable after I quit smoking weed. I remember one time I was smoking pot late at night and watching reruns of "Bonanza." Of course if you're watching reruns of "Bonanza" and you're not fried, you're seriously deranged. Anyway I was fairly well baked and Hoss and Little Joe were having some sibling rivalry, it seemed engrossing at the time. They made up and Hoss's eyes started to well up with tears. I began weeping profusely. I am not saying marijuana use should be prosecuted or anything. But it definitely impairs something!

But hell I've been chemically unadulterated for over a quarter century and I still respond to life's ups and downs as if they were real! When do I get my immunity? I thought people my age just took it all in stride. Some claim they do. I saw one of those guys who claim that, on the road the other day, he was driving almost as chaotically as I do! My excuse is, I am not a very good driver to begin with, add to that my being immature, and there I go like wayward Scud Missile!

Actually I think most of the people I know who claim emotional stability have been married for at least two decades. It may be one of those chicken vs. egg dilemmas. Which comes first, emotional stability or long marriage? I think long marriages have a somewhat narcotic effect. It's like people married for a long time learn how to disassociate, probably through some kind of conditioning mechanism. They seem stable but really they are just absent from reality! If they were tuned in they'd be as bent out of shape as me? The theory needs perfecting.

We could place some old married couples and some old singles in room and force them to watch "Bonanza" reruns. I bet the married people would tolerate it longer. I think this how they broke some of the prisoners at GITMO. See they weren't water boarded they were just drowning in their tears!

Anyway I guess I'm actually grateful to be such a big baby, if the alternative is some sort of emotional narcolepsy.


Russell