Playing In Traffic, Sure Why Not?

I almost hate admitting this but the truth is I am really, really smart. I mean like a few standard deviations away from people that don't read my blog smart. The trouble is if you watched me live my life you would never guess that you were watching a person with any brains at all. You might think you were watching someone who's brain had been switched with the mind of a small dog. I am not saying that I wet the floor like a chihuahua when I'm excited. But otherwise my behavior is probably similar.

I remember working at a place that was always going in for the latest fads espoused by management consultant types. One of these was something called EQ or emotional intelligence. At the time I viewed it as just one more bogus way people with nothing in particular to offer manage to make a phenomenal living off of corporate America especially fat non-profit corporations. Man non-profits are so prone to these consultant led circle jerks! But I digress, the point was there may be some truth to that EQ stuff.

I am not sure I would call it emotional intelligence though, I think it's common sense. I don't have a lick of common sense. I don't feel too bad about it. I once read a biography about Sir Isaac Newton. Now Newton was so damn smart that he invented Calculus! That's F___ing! brilliant! He was also interested in light. Back then they thought light might actually eminate from the eyes. Newton was open minded about it. He did some experiments in this regard. Actually he probed his eyes with a very sharp knife! So I don't feel too bad about my lack of proportion, my dearth of pragmatism, my impulsiveness. At least haven't stuck anything sharp in my eye yet!

I suddenly feel so much better about myself, I bet could have invented counting.


Russell

My Brain Hurts!

I am so ambivalent about stuff it drives me crazy! I bet nobody else is ever like this, or maybe everybody else is like this too, all the time. See what I mean?!! Do you ever buy something because you just really want it so bad and then later you wish you hadn't wasted your money? I have quit buying stuff because of this. Except every once in a while I feel a need to buy some shit and then that's what I think of it. It happens with relationships too. I am totally ambivalent about people unless I think they don't like me. I really like people who can barely tolerate me. But if it turns out they want to hang around I find that smothering. Maybe this is a Twilight Zone episode and Rod Serling will explain it to me. No wonder that guy smoked like chimney. Groucho used to say he "would never join a club that would allow him to be a member" I wonder if he was joking. I'd like to believe ambivalence is characteristic of smart people. You know like some people are just too dumb to make themselves this bewildered. Kurt Vonnegut believed our misery was directly related to what he called our "overly large brains." I get a perverse kind of comfort from that.

The other thing that weirds me out is this; I recently saw the movie "War Horse," and it is of course a tear jerker. I mean it's about a horse for Chrissakes! Well after over two hours of  emotional turmoil and profuse weeping, I left the theatre and it quit affecting me. Why can I go see a movie and go through all kinds of emotional shit but, when it's over it's over! Why isn't life like that? Why does stuff bother us for days or weeks or even years after it's over? Still what would we think of someone who's dog dies and they are sad until it's disposed of (yech!) and then they are like "what dog?" and if you remind them they say "oh yeah I remember him he was a good dog." I wouldn't like someone like that! But how long should stuff bother you? I have no idea, except that it should be longer than after a movie but probably not forever. I just wish stuff I didn't want to bug me would quit bugging as soon as I want it to! Maybe it does... Now there's a disturbing idea... Hmmm


Russell

Ponderosing My Emotional Stability (Lack There Of!)

Do we ever really grow up?! I mean damn! Here I am essentially hairless, stuff I remember is considered history, and I sometimes "click" when I'm doing yoga, but I still have the emotional responses of a 12 year old! I thought that by now I would be cool, but no! I am so uncool it's totally embarrassing.

I know that I did become slightly more stable after I quit smoking weed. I remember one time I was smoking pot late at night and watching reruns of "Bonanza." Of course if you're watching reruns of "Bonanza" and you're not fried, you're seriously deranged. Anyway I was fairly well baked and Hoss and Little Joe were having some sibling rivalry, it seemed engrossing at the time. They made up and Hoss's eyes started to well up with tears. I began weeping profusely. I am not saying marijuana use should be prosecuted or anything. But it definitely impairs something!

But hell I've been chemically unadulterated for over a quarter century and I still respond to life's ups and downs as if they were real! When do I get my immunity? I thought people my age just took it all in stride. Some claim they do. I saw one of those guys who claim that, on the road the other day, he was driving almost as chaotically as I do! My excuse is, I am not a very good driver to begin with, add to that my being immature, and there I go like wayward Scud Missile!

Actually I think most of the people I know who claim emotional stability have been married for at least two decades. It may be one of those chicken vs. egg dilemmas. Which comes first, emotional stability or long marriage? I think long marriages have a somewhat narcotic effect. It's like people married for a long time learn how to disassociate, probably through some kind of conditioning mechanism. They seem stable but really they are just absent from reality! If they were tuned in they'd be as bent out of shape as me? The theory needs perfecting.

We could place some old married couples and some old singles in room and force them to watch "Bonanza" reruns. I bet the married people would tolerate it longer. I think this how they broke some of the prisoners at GITMO. See they weren't water boarded they were just drowning in their tears!

Anyway I guess I'm actually grateful to be such a big baby, if the alternative is some sort of emotional narcolepsy.


Russell

Sounds About Right To Me

Sometimes it is good to engage in a little self assessment.

You know I'm a head tripper. There are a lot of things I understand theoretically but when it comes to practical application I'm like one of those tiny wrenches that comes with Ikea furniture kits, completely useless! I understand the Otto cycle but don't let me near your car's engine. Being a head tripper isn't all bad, in fact it's absolutely necessary in a lot of areas, just not any that have any immediate practical value.

Over the years I have become more action oriented. I consider that to be a sign of positive change. I kind of believe in the old adage; "When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!" I wonder if running in circles while screaming and shouting is generally considered a productive activity? It burns calories.

So being a head tripper is fairly useless and running around aimlessly accomplishes nothing either. Maybe I need to focus on my emotional growth. I do cry at sad movies. I practically dehydrated myself watching "War Horse." The cool thing about movies is they put you through the wringer but after it's over your done. Don't you wish life could be that way? Something makes you feel sad or mad and then it's over, done, finished. I don't know for sure if I would like that. It seems sort of shallow. It is kind of how little kids are hmmm. Are little kids more emotionally healthy than me?

So I'm a head tripping, circle running, screaming and shouting, emotional mess. Yeah that sounds about right. I love life don't you?



Russell

Lets Be Dangerous!

I'm not exactly sure why but somehow I found myself thinking about who the truly dangerous people are or were. I pretty quickly ruled out people like Billy The Kid and Jesse James. I mean they were dangerous but they really did not have all that much impact. I don't think guys like Al Capone or Pablo Escobar really threaten society at least not in any permanent way. You have to have some more long lasting impact to be truly dangerous.

The impact would have to be big and long lasting. Bin Laden had a big impact and it lasted pretty long. But you know what, he is pretty irrelevant now. He may have been done as a player before he was killed. Hitler and Stalin were dangerous to millions and their impact is probably still detectable but I doubt it is at all permanent.

I wound up deciding that people truly threatening to the social order wouldn't be a threat in any conventional sense. That's when the answers became obvious to me. The three most dangerous people in history had to be Jesus, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. Each of these guys wound up permanently changing society. Each one overturned the existing social order. Their impact was permanent. No wonder all three wound being assassinated. They were truly dangerous.

Who's dangerous today? My vote goes to the Dalai Llama. I suppose there could be a mechanic somewhere who is altering reality one person at a time. People in recovery try to change the world by changing themselves. I think that just maybe if we changed our attitudes, and behavior we could be really dangerous!



Russell

Yup I'm a Groucho Marxist!

I have been watching the news again. When I say the news I mean stuff like the network news and cable news and listening to NPR, in other words the bullshit about politics that substitutes as news. All it really is, is color commentary similar to what sportscasters do. You know you could watch a game and keep up with it without the sportscaster jabbering away. Just like that we could keep up with the political games without listening to a bunch of media hacks prattling on about it.

The real news is that no matter who either major party nominates for President (or any other office) they will not be representing you or me. The real news is that today our country is a democracy in name only. No matter who is elected President he will be there to serve corporations and not you or me. No matter who your Senator is (unless it is Bernie Sanders) he or she is there to serve corporate interests against the interests of you and me. So is your Representative. Lest you think that politicians closer to home care more about you rest assured your Governor and legislature could not care less about you. And if by some chance you wind up in a legal conflict with a corporation rest assured the judiciary is there to make sure the corporations win.

Remember the bail out, when we rescued the corporations and banks that had been screwing us? You know it would have been cheaper to just pay off all the bad mortgages and keep all those people in their houses? But of course we couldn't do that it wouldn't be fair! So we said screw all those ordinary people. And also screw all the people who were not foreclosed on but now see their property values plummet because their neighborhoods are full of foreclosures! Screw ordinary people, our leaders (actually the corporations servants) said, we gotta save a bunch of giant corporations. Afterall they are too big to fail, but you are not! In fact you are just the perfect size to fail.

So you put your money into a 401K and it loses money as corporate fat cats squander your savings. If you take it out the IRS will charge you a penalty. They get bailed out and you pay penalties. Meanwhile the socalled news distracts you from what is really going on with color commentary on meaningless elections while giant corporations pick your pockets clean. Nothing will change unless we admit our votes are worthless and set about change by more direct methods. Yikes!



Russell