Clean Up On Aisle Three

I don't mind blue jeans with holes in them or even paint from my palette knife smeared on them. Some people have even thought I bought them that way. I do have this thing about socks and underwear. The other day I noticed elastic showing on my underwear and I cannot  handle that. My underwear have to be intact and pristine! They don't have to be expensive though. In fact my favorite brand is only available at Wal-Mart. Normally I don't like shopping at Wal-Mart but I had no idea it could be suicidal until I saw the news.

Who would have thought that pepper spray was a shopping aid? Apparently it is. Before using your pepper spray on another shopper you should first ascertain that this action is justified. For instance it is justified to pepper spray another Wal-Mart shopper if they have more than the allotted number of items in the express lane.

There are other guidelines for shopping at Wal-Mart. For instance, tackling is okay in the Sporting Goods section but not in Electronics. You should also be careful using your Taser in Electronics as it may damage circuitry. It would be shame to leave another shopper convulsing on the floor only to get home and find out your Taser also fried your Plasma TV. Fortunately Wal-Mart has a fairly liberal return policy.

Another precaution when using your Taser on other shoppers is to try and avoid zapping folks with pace makers. I know those greeters at the entrance can be annoying but please don't fry them! A lot of them probably have pace makers and it would be a shame to litter the entrance with their elderly corpses! Unless of course you are trying to create a diversion so you can home in on a bargain unmolested by other Wal-Mart shoppers.

You know you have done a good job of tasing when you hear an announcement of "clean up on aisle three" and you have just left several other shoppers twitching on aisle three. So anyway I decided not to go shopping for new underwear on "Black Friday" lest I become just another Wal-Martyr!


Russell