Freeway Moses Lays Down The Law

I really liked that old Cecil B. DeMille movie The Ten Commandments. Moses became kind of buzz killer in that movie. Everybody was having fun partying down getting funky with their golden calf when Moses shows up with the Ten Commandments and the party is over. I think that whole golden calf worship bit was some kind of sideways sucker punch at Hinduism but what do you expect from hyped up proselytism via Hollywood?   But that's not really where I was wanting to go with this.

I was up in the Kingwood  area earlier today. Getting there was a real ordeal. I mean the scene on the Gulf Freeway made Exodus look like pleasure trip. People were not behaving well either. It was clear they could benefit from some clear directions, like get out of my way! (Just kidding, sort of) Anyway there was some sort of accident that led to the whole thing coming to a halt for an extended period. This gave my mind an opportunity to wander (it ceases every opportunity it gets).

So in my mind I see Moses coming down the exit ramp with a giant I-pad. He looks pissed! He has just spent 40 days and 40 nights at the Sinai Exit Rest Stop subsisting on vending machine cuisine. His hair has turned grey and his beard is full of fluorescent orange Cheeto dust his eyes are flashing daggers of righteous rage! In a booming voice he harangues all present his voice mystically emanating from car stereos and On-Star systems. The rightness of his message mesmerizes the throng of misguided motorists.

He pronounces the Lords latest commandments;
I - Thou shalt not drive in a sluggish manner in the left lane, and wilt use this thy Lord's lane only to pass!
II - Thou shalt never cross an intersection when the light is red lest thou lose thy soul!
III - Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors parking space!
IV - Thou shalt yield when the sign of the Lord instructs thou to yield!
V - Thou shalt not tailgate!
VI - Thou shalt signal every turn and lane change!
VII - Thou shalt share thy lane with thy neighbor!
VIII - Thou shalt not text while driving!
IX - Thou shalt not obstruct the path of an emergency vehicle!
X - Thou shalt not drive like a %#&@ *&#$ #$&@-ing jerk!

How many commandments do break each day? I've broken them all. I wonder if Freeway Moses could get me to straighten up?




Russell